I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
