If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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