Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
