There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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