ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
