someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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