my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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