listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
