your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
