just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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