i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I'm really busy with my period
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