I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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