Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
