He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
