The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
