I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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