I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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