Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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