sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
