I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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