is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I can't turn off my feet"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
