Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
