I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
