I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
