I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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