Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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