but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
