got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
