This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
