Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
