i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
