I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
