Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize