did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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