So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
