i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
