they need to just BURY HIM!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
