i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
