If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
