so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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