Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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