I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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