Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
