When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
