No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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