i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
