Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
