My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
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