so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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