I just cut my nipple shaving
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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