i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
