I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
