So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
