Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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