When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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