super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
