R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
