I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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