I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Please don't give away my fajitas
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
