Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
