Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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