i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
