Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
