He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Come on in and take your pants off
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