1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
