Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
