You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
