wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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