everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
