Already got asked if we're dating
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
