Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
